Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Turkey Lurkey

It's been two months since my last pedicure. I'm not complaining. I'm just giving you a timeline so you can understand that I was a little excited. My toenails were feeling a little naked and neglected. I had my iPhone ready to go with my favorite talk radio guy on WBAP. My talk radio app is ready to go because the place I go to, the people speak very little English*. I'm prepared to sit there in peace because what's the point of trying to carry on a very fragmented conversation?

I pile myself into the chair and get my earbuds ready. Then comes the question from the pedicurist, "How did you sleep last night?". I was a little taken aback. This is usually a question that my husband asks me. And only my husband. HUH? I'm not even sure that any of my closest girlfriends have ever asked me that.

He** goes on to say that he didn't sleep well. Do I apologize? Do I express some concern? He goes on to tell me that he hasn't slept well for days. At this point I pray that he's not going to fall asleep with those cuticle nippers in his hand and cause major blood flow. He asks me if I've ever had that problem. "Oh sure", I tell him. But, for none of the same reasons he has that problem.

How do you say to an Asian guy who understands very little English that the reasons I had trouble sleeping were (1) when I was 8 months pregnant. I couldn't roll over let alone get out of bed by myself and (2) Peri-Menopause. Giving birth helped my pregnancy sleep problems. Only for a couple of hours at a time though. Hormones fixed my lack of sleep during the on set of Peri-Menopause. He will have to endure neither of those.

Since I couldn't suggest either of those as solutions for him, all I could think to do was suggest that he eat turkey before bed. It has L-Triptophan in it that's a natural sleep aid. It's relaxing. I'm not sure why the word "turkey" was so hard to understand. He asked me if it was a medicine. I told him no, that all you had to do was go to the lunch meat section of the grocery store. He still didn't get it. Then I said, "Oscar Mayer". I'm still not sure he got it. Then thoughts of Googling Adam Sandler's Thanksgiving song popped in my head, but the thought quickly passed.

Then, my pedicure was over. I was a little relieved.

*I tried a SPA in the west part of the city that I live. Even they didn't speak English. Who speaks English anymore when it comes to manicurists/pedicurists?
**Yes, he. The person doing my pedicure was a man.


  1. hahaha I had the same problem when doing a Thanksgiving lesson with my elementary kids. They don't eat turkey in Korea/Asian countries. When I showed them a picture, they all yelled out "chicken"...

  2. Remember Phoebe? She does them out of her house for her closest friends/clients....just saying you'd get a two-fer: a great pedi and a hilarious conversation!!

  3. Corri-It's the great white meat!! How can they eat what they eat and not eat turkey?!?! That's mind boggling!!

    MJ-Hhhmm...I'm wondering if she would remember me. She's hysterical.