My Wants and Needs

God bless my husband! Especially when I have a crazy idea or get bored. This last weekend was a little bit of a tailspin that exhausted my husband. It all started on Saturday when Craig did his part of mowing and I grabbed the weed wacker. We knocked it out and then we wanted to go get some lunch! We worked hard and our stomachs were turning in on themselves. It wasn't pretty. 

We finished our wonderful little Tex-Mex lunch and asked out loud, "What do we do next?". We weren't able to find any open houses to walk through, so I said we could go visit our favorite little new home saleslady and dream. The neighborhood we had looked at almost a year ago was closing out and the prices were SLASHED. It was INSANE. Well, insane is a strong word. We were almost sucked in a year ago until we had our level headed friends join us and give their objective opinion. We left Saturday with floor plans in hand again after taking a long look at the community pool and play area. We studied the floor plans and picked the floor plans that best fit our wants. Yes, I said "wants" and not "needs". I know I have what I need. 

After choosing a few perfect floor plans, we then glanced at the prices. Hopes were a little dashed because it would double our mortgage if we did a fifteen year note. So, Sunday afternoon we went to look at some other build opportunities in Sachse. This one neighborhood left A LOT to be desired. The surrounding neighbors had fences falling down, or it backed up to some commercial property. Then we came across another neighborhood with great neighborhood drive up appeal. It's right by Fire Wheel golf course. The houses were beautiful. This builder provided nicer standard options that the one we had revisited the previous day. Then I had the audacity to ask if there was an amenity center. The wonderful saleslady replied, "There's a pond". Huh? I don't swim in ponds. Why have neighborhood association dues when there is no amenity center? What's the point? 

I'm looking at three options, First, we could go forward in the process of building a home from a builder in a community that has great neighborhood drive up, beautiful homes and a "pond" for an amenity center. Second, build a home in the Plano neighborhood where everything is an upgrade, and the amenity center is fun, fun, fun. Third, stay in the house we are in and continue the lengthy process of slowly removing any traces of the former owners. 

See what I mean? My husbands brain is spinning after I get done with him. He loves me anyway. I love him! I will never be able to thank him enough for putting up with my shenanigans. I may have a lot of wants, that aren't necessary. It's fun to daydream. The daydreams quickly pass.  I have everything I need. My husband is both to me. I want him and need him. As long as we are together, I'll be happy anywhere. 

Pack up the Clique Committee

From the time we grow up, and I guess until the time we die we find a group of people that will carry us through. They will carry us through the good, bad and everything in between. Whether it starts when our parents put us in daycare, or preschool. It may change a few times over the course of our lives. Who am I kidding? It WILL change a lot.

Even as we grow into adulthood, we seem to go through life in "packs". Some people would go as far as to call groups of people "cliques".  At some places they're even called, "committees". Never intending to exclude, just not wanting to be welcoming to "outsiders". There are groups of  neighbors. There are cliques at church. God bless the little PTA clique! Some are determined by age, geographic location or even status in life. Groups by political beliefs, anyone?

The other day I was having a pity party in my head and heart. Now that school is back in session, the same group of women walk their kids to school each morning. I tried to say, "Good morning" once. It broke the concentration of the conversation they were taking part in. They almost tripped, I think. One lady two doors down has decided to join in and when she's running late I catch her cutting through houses to meet up with the gang. It's kind of funny.

That same morning I also noticed that a particular group of women was showing a huge amount of love towards another mom at church on facebook. It turns out they all know each other through the moms of preschoolers group. I don't know how this lady does it. People even comment on her posts just to put a stupid smiley face on it. I mean really? If you don't have anything more to say that :), really????

Later that day of my pity party, my aunt told me that she was taking my mom to the hospital. I called my lifeline. My pity party was over. She has been there for the last five years and been nothing but constant strength, humor, grace, sarcasm, love and faithfulness. She offered to pick up my girls before I even had to ask. We don't live in the same neighborhood, we don't even live in the same city. Even if my clique, pack or committee isn't as big as others I have a true friendship that will stand the test of time. A steadfast confidant! A sister I never had, but always longed for. She never judges. She can provide a good ear and a glass of wine to go with it. 

So I guess the lesson is, we all have a part in cliques. Whether on the inside or outside. We will never get past them. Whether accidental or on purpose, there's no getting around it. Take it all in stride. One foot in front of the other. One day at a time. A good laugh and good glass of wine. 

Oh Man!-opause

Let me just start out saying I am a very cute and vivacious 40 some odd year old! I am young at heart. 

 But the biological clock has told me other wise. Sometime last year when it was wonderfully cold and freezing outside I would just break out into a sweat. For just a few minutes. Some of those times I thought, "Maybe I'm getting sick". So, I would down a couple of Tylenol and forget about it. My monthly curse was almost non-existent. I relished in that part. The only one bad part was that everyday I felt like my head was about to split open. 

I finally visited my OB/GYN for my annual visit and mentioned to him what I was going through. Let the blood work begin! Well, the news came back that I'm not only menopausal, I'm post menopausal! Now comes the part where we get to experiment with all sorts of prescriptions. Some that aren't covered by insurance and some that are. Some that are compounded and some that are boring little stickers I get to place wherever my heart desires. 

The great thing was that my headaches are almost completely gone. 

I went back to my OB/GYN to do a follow up to see how my hormone levels are since starting all of this. He asked, "How are your headaches?". I told him I was doing great with hardly any. He then asked, "How are your periods?"  I said, "It's like I'm 16 again. Cramps. And all the crap that goes along with the monthly curse. " He then went on to say, "That's good, that's where I want you."

You could have heard a pin drop. Inside my head I was screaming, "OH HELL NO". I wanted to rip his head off. He may have OB/GYN after his name, but I'm still the girl and I know what I want and what I don't want. I don't want the monthly curse. It's a crock of the biggest pile of dog poo ever! That was the one thing I was looking forward to when I thought of menopause. 

So, on goes the experimentation with hormones, bio-identicals, vitamins, and supplements, creams to rub on my arm, and patches. Oh man! 

Only By God's Grace

I love my place in life. For the most part. I love my husband. I love my kids. I love my dear friends that are always there for me. Life is good. I'd have to admit that 20 years or more ago, I never dreamed that I would be where I am at this point in my life. I am a very lucky girl.

There is something that my husband has said to me that has stuck with me, because I know deep down it's probably true. He's said in the past, "It's a wonder you turned out so normal". I'd have to admit that the people that I know who had a "normal" upbringing is a minority. Some of us had an alcoholic for a parent(s). Others had a hoarder, or someone who wasn't emotionally available to them. Others who had a parent that just saw things a little greener on the other side of the fence and left a parent to fend for themselves and the kids. Some people I know had to deal with death of a parent much too soon.

Can we blame the flower power of the 1960's or the hippy motto of free love that flowed in the 1970's? What about the excess of the 1980's? It's amazing that each generation has some sort of devilish influence that just wants to tear down the values of family and what a family should be.

At some point God grabbed a hold of me and I was awake enough to realize it. Praise God. I knew from my past what I didn't want for my marriage and kids. I know I am no June Cleaver, but my kids aren't going to grow up the way I did. They deserve the best that their parents can give. My kids will not know what it's like to have an alcoholic for a parent. Or a hoarder. They will not know what it's like to have a parent insult their appearance, or give them conditional love.

God still has a lot of work to do on me. I like to joke that my spiritual gift is a "cynical or critical spirit". But, I praise God everyday for the miracle that He has done in my life. He will soften my critical spirit over time. If I just let Him.

Eeewww, Gross....

Today on the way home from school I was loaded with questions. I asked each girl:

What was the best part of your day: (L) said "Everything"

What was the worst part of your day: (L) said "I don't know. I liked everything."

I asked J the same thing. For the best part she said, "Everything". For the worst part it was, "this boy kept staring at me. He said I was cute and he wanted to kiss me." She said to him, "Eeeewwww grosss"

Oh my word! Let the games begin.....

Growing Up Girl

I have to admit, I may complain about having girls, a little too much. I worry frantically about how it will be when they have the "teen" at the end of their age. It's really not that bad. They have the sweetest demeanor. No one can argue that. It's a fact. I'm not just saying that because I'm their mother. It's true.

I still want to play dress up, but one is at the age that she doesn't want to play that game anymore. She actually has opinions on the clothes she wears. My youngest is a little flashy and she lets me pick out some "fun" stuff. The "baby" would change clothes 5 times a day if I let her.

One thing I love to do with them, and we even drag daddy along, is go to see the "G" rated movies. They actually make movies that I can let them watch and my husband and I just love to watch over again.

We recently saw "Ramona and Beezus". Fun, fun movie! Ramona is the middle child of three girls. She lives with both parents and life is good. Ramona has the best intentions, but in a lot of cases chaos insues. All of the characters in the movie were portrayed in a mostly positive light. One thing that I loved about the movie was the relationship between Ramona and her Aunt Bea.

I guess I liked it so much because I have that type of relationship with one of my aunts. I'm not saying that it's always "peachy". I am the daughter she never had. I love her like my mother. When things aren't "right" with my relationship with my mom, my aunt is a great sounding board. She's always been that way for me. She always will be until she is called Home.

I'm hoping that my girls will have another older woman in their life that they can rely on when they don't feel that they can come to me. Whether it's a cousin, family friend or aunt, I hope they have that camaraderie they can trust and rely on. I can't force it, it just comes naturally.

This is my prayer. One of many!