Asking and Giving Forgiveness

 "Even if that person wrongs you seven times a day and each time turns again and asks forgiveness, you must forgive."
  Luke 17:4

Can we all admit that asking for someone's forgiveness is one of the hardest things in the world to do? It takes humility, and it takes courage. It takes the power of God.  It especially doesn't help when the person you're asking foregiveness from reminds you of your crime and won't let it go.

Someone I was talking to mentioned that she had asked forgiveness from someone. The person basically threw it back in her face and reminded her of her abomination. If you knew my friend, it would break your heart. She is the kindest person on the face of the earth.

I admit, that part of our conversation stuck with me for the rest of the day. It bothered me. It bothered me as much as if I was the one asking for forgiveness. It made me think that it's no wonder why people don't ask more often for forgiveness. When someone asks for forgiveness they are laying their heart out. Making themselves vulnerable. It is our choice to forgive as we have been forgiven by God. Each and every day.

Is it maturity? Could be. Whether it's mental or spiritual maturity, some prefer to dig their heels in and be right. They will stand their ground and when it's all said and done who wins? No one.

After I had just graduated high school I had my first love, of course I was head over heels. He was the be all and end all. Shocker. It didn't work out after a couple of years*. But when it didn't work out and he was dating a "friend" I'll admit that my behavior was atrocious. It was shameful. It was definitely something I wish I could take back. I didn't have the mental maturity or the spiritual maturity to handle the situation.

After several years had passed I put a note in the mail to them both. I wanted to apologize for my actions. I wanted to clear my conscience and fir them to know that I was truly sorry. I wanted to let go of the guilt once and for all.  When I received a note back from the girl, she asked what my intentions were. What was my motive? Then she reminded me of what I had done and how I hurt them both**. I was well aware of what I had done. But I was not alone in this stupid little triangle. But I asked for what God gives me everyday. Forgiveness. 

The weight of sin is so heavy only the shedding of Jesus' blood can atone for it.

When we sin against someone who has no relationship with Christ, it's as if Satan himself is steering the other person in not letting go. It's a self-focused, resentful way of living. I'm not sure it's really living at all. Jesus is the best friend we could ask for. If you don't have a relationship with Him, seek Him out and there will lie your hope and salvation.

Ephesians 4:31

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.

In the world of raising kids, there is a lot of saying, "I'm sorry". Whether it's between the siblings or from parent to child and vice versa. I'm not a fan of saying, "That's okay" after someone says, "I'm sorry". I know we should forgive seventy times seven, but I also want to promote a sense of appreciation for the act of asking forgiveness.  I encourage my kids to say, "Thank you" to one another after they have had to apologize to each other. 

 Some people are ready and willing to forgive. I said some. When some people accuse you of doing something, then they do the same thing shouldn't both parties be asking forgiveness? Not just one? That's when I have to call to mind, Matthew 6:14. "For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you". 

Forgiveness is the greatest gift.  Whether we feel forgiveness in our hearts or not, we are under obligation to obey God. As we obey God, He will supply the feelings.

Asking and giving forgiveness is one of the hardest things to do in this world. Thank you, God, that this world is not eternal.

God, I pray for the vulnerability to always ask for forgiveness when I need it. I pray that it is received with an open and pure heart as it is intended. And when someone asks for my forgiveness that You will supply the feeling of acceptance and that I will not let anger stand in the way.



*No harm no foul. We kiss a lot of frogs before the prince comes along, don't we? My prayers were answered when Hubby and I finally crossed paths. 
**Oh please, it was nothing physical. They got married, then she cheated on him and divorced him.

Not Even a Week In

The first week of school isn't even over yet and I'm already struggling. Don't get me wrong, we were all ready to go back to school. My kids were ready, and anybody who knows me well knows that I was ready for them to go back to school. It was time to get back into a steady routine. I'm not saying the summer was bad. It was truly grand! But, freshly sparpened pencils, clean chalkboards and homework were knocking down the door.

I said to myself that this school year would be great! My oldest is in fifth grade and my youngest in first. Great attitude = great year. I was even excited the day we went to find out who my kid's would have as their teachers. We didn't play in any games or school politics. We didn't write any letters asking for a specific teacher. It just worked itself out. God worked it out. 

But I'm already on shaky ground.

My oldest had new teachers last year. Every one of them. They didn't have kids either*. I was scratching my head about some of the projects and their bad timing on more than one occasion. With my youngest we started out Kindergarten with one teacher and finished with another. The first one had family issues and felt it was better to stay at home. I don't begrudge her that. We were lucky to have had her the length of time we did. We had known her since my oldest had started school there. The second teacher was great.Then the last day of school came and we were given Kindergarten graduation certificates.** My daughter's name was spelled wrong. Ugh. Really?  After two attempts at getting one with her name spelled right over the summer, nothing. On the third day of school this year I was told that I would have to wait until the end of this year to get one with her name spelled right because supposedly they didn't have any more of the cardstock. I went to a big box office supply and got my own.

I was able to leave my cares behind after asking several teachers, including the gifted and talented teacher about a math tutor for my oldest. I asked over email and in person. They said they would get back to me. I was ready and willing to pay to keep my daughter on her toes with her math skills. We've tried the math tutoring places before, but it wasn't what I was looking for. I was looking for true one on one time.  I dreaded the thought of her getting behind. I heard back from none of them. Either way. I ended up finding an honors math student who's a junior in high school. Both of my daughters just adore her!

For this school year I was sort of resigned to the old saying, "If you can't beat 'em join 'em" when it comes to PTA. You know. That group that people pay to join and volunteer for stuff. You're on a committee, but you have no say really. It just comes from the top down and the top barks orders. I don't like barking.***

The first assignment was to provide lunch for the teachers the Friday before school started. Easy cheesy! Of course I signed up to bring dessert. A chocolate chip pound cake was in the works. It was so much in the works I made TWO. One to keep and one for the staff. Heaven! It was cooled off and delivered in time. Complete in one nice Rubbermaid carry all.

When I went to the school the next day to pick up my cake carrier it was right at the front desk where the Hospitality chair said it would be. With a broken locking mechanism. Ugh. Really? Do you think anybody even said "Thank You"? Not even accolades in the first school newsletter of the year.

No, I didn't do it for the thank-you's. I did it because I wanted to share in something I enjoy doing. I realize accidents happen. From spelling my kid's name wrong to breaking my cake carrier. But, come on.

I need Grace. Mercy. Compassion. Thankfulness. Kindness.  To get me through the rest of the school year. A couple of days ago I was saying, "No more" this soon into the school year. I want to have a change of heart, but at this rate it will be trampled all over by Thanksgiving.


God, please change my heart for the better.



*Future 4th grade teachers here's one idea: when you plan for the project of keeping up with the moon pattern, would you please plan it in the winter when we have short days? Not during the spring after the sun was out past 9? We solely relied on Hubby's iPhone app. Yep, they have an app for that.

**No. We don't have Kindergarten graduation ceremonies. That's just stupid and a waste of money.

***Barking orders and little girls yelling and screaming. Grates.On.My.Nerves.

Me Neither

Have you ever been around someone who never lets you get a word in edgewise? The conversation was dominated by one particular party. Imagine if there were more than one of those types at a get together! They have to be the life of the party or they're afraid they won't feel important. 

Have you ever met someone new and in talking with them you've gotten to know a whole lot about them, but they've learned nothing about you?

Have you gotten together with someone you haven't seen in years and when you leave, you remember why you haven't seen them in a long time? 

No? Me neither. 

The Perfect Ten

I first met her with ten fingers and ten toes. When I first saw her she had blonde hair and beautiful blue eyes. She was and is a blessing to me. She is a lively and creative spirit. She has a tender side and she's very sensitive. She is smart and energetic. She is the apple of her daddy's eye. And mine as well.

My oldest is ten today. I'm a little freaked out. Time has flown and I don't know where it has gone. I want to grab on to some moments and just live them forever. I want to never forget. I want to never forget the time when she was a baby and I would move my hand in front of her mouth and she would make funny noises.

When she was a toddler we would ask her what Daddy says. Her response would be, "I love you". When we asked her what Mommy says, her response was, "Sh*t". Yep. That's when I knew she was watching me and I had change my ways.

Then came time for her to go to pre-school. No biggie. She was cooler than a cucumber and ready to make new friends. We had a few years of "Muffins with Mom" and "Donuts with Dad". There were Christmas programs where they actually sang Christmas Carols.

Sending her off to elementary was a breeze. There hasn't been a teacher she hasn't liked. There may have been one or two I haven't liked, but she knows none the wiser.

My heart leaped for joy when she was ready to be baptized. She had followed God's command and made a public profession of faith. A tender heart learning to live in God's love and light. I get none of that glory. I don't deserve it. God gets all of the glory!

Ten years have gone by. Ten years of growing in God's Word. Ten years of growing up girl.

Ten years have gone by.

Thank you, God for allowing me the privilege of being this young girl's mother. Thank you, God for blessing me with her smile, sense of humor, her silliness. It just doesn't get any better than this! I lift her up in prayer to grow more independent in her faith. I pray for her to have a strong mind and body. I pray that she hears and feels a strong sense of destiny and purpose. Whisper in her ear, God, what You would have her do. May she have a desire for integrity and strive for excellence. May she always glorify Your name in everything she does, Lord.

Ten years have gone by. It's unreal. Happy birthday to my ten year old daughter!

Dear God,

I truly hate facebook. I despise that it has let people show their snarky sides more freely. It's impossible to let more than a week go by without some sort of drama rearing its ugly head! As fast as it is to be excited about something I see, something else is waiting to tear me down just as fast. It exposes the ugliness of peoples' souls for all of the world to see. 

Or is that Your master plan?

I long for our culture to go back to a God-fearing world. A world where we care for one another. We don't let ourselves forget that each and every one of us matters. 

I hate that it has replaced the sound of a voice over a telephone line. I hate that people post everything from what they ate to how many  bowel movements they had. 

If it's Your will to change my heart toward social media then please do, God. Otherwise, I'm cutting it off once again. My life is more productive. What I don't know or see won't hurt me. 

The Hall Pass Has Departed

During the week of the 4th of July, Hubby was on vacation*. After we got our oldest off to her first church camp we were free to stay up late and sleep in just as late. Movies were on the schedule as well. On the menu was what we like to call a "stupid funny"** movie and an alleged crime "thriller". 

The first movie that we scratched off of our list was Hall Pass. We knew going in that it was about two married couples and that the men get a week off of marriage. We hardly found any humor in this one. One couple ended up crossing the line physically and the other crossed the line emotionally. There was also a seen where Owen Wilson is at a fitness club and he falls asleep in the whirlpool. His character starts slipping into the whirlpool, and two men come to his rescue to pull him out of the whirlpool. NAKED. Full frontal. One of the two men was black. The other white. The movie puts in your face*** the stereotype of the black man's member and then the stereotype of the white man's member. It also didn't help that the hair and makeup people did their best to make Owen Wilson look so unbelievably unattractive. He was H.O.T. in Behind Enemy Lines! What more should we expect from the same people who directed There's Something About Mary and Dumb and Dumber. 

The next movie that we knocked off the list was The Departed. It was directed by Martin Scorsese and nominated for several Academy Awards.  Most outlets describe it as a crime thriller. I describe it as very stressful and just plain awful. The movie was apparently inspired**** by the time that James "Whitey" Bulger served as leader of the Winter Hill gang in Boston, Massachusetts. It was a tale of a crooked cop whose paycheck was being supplemented by the crime boss, and another cop trying to infiltrate the crime organization to bring it down. Of course with mob mentality there was more than enough bloodshed. The kind brought about by shooting people in the head. There was more fake brain matter than I care to think of and see. 

I want my time back from both of those movies*****.  I sometimes wish that I could open the top of my head and pour bleach in to erase any memory of those movies. Where are the good movies? I want good, silly humor without nudity. I would love to see a true "thriller" movie without all of the gore. Did I say already that I want my time back???

*Yeah! 

**Mindless humor 

***and Owen Wilson's face

****There's nothing inspiring about this film

*****I'm pretty sure Hubby feels the same

I Miss My Kids. Really!

I'm approaching my fourth night of the kids being at the grandparents house. The house has been clean for three days straight! It's quite nice that I haven't had to do as many dishes without them here. Hubby and I have watched movies and eaten dinner out without having to worry about who's gonna watch the kids. 

But, I miss my kids. Really! I miss their laugh, and their smiles. I miss their unending requests for something to eat and even their silly little sisterly spats. I miss their adorable faces. Other times if Hubby were to ask me if I missed the kids, I would quickly say, "No. Not yet". This time is different. 

The trip over to the grandparents was a little last minute plan. Usually, I'm at my wits end and that's when Hubby calls his parents to see if they want to spend a little quality time with the little cherubs.We haven't gotten the chance to get that much summer under our belts so far.  It really hasn't been all that stressful. Yet. 

I know I should be grateful for the free time. Trust me I am. 

Today was the first day I actually got out of the house to do something "fun". I'm not sure it gets any better than a chocolate mint pedicure! I had had enough of being cooped up in the house, not being able to think of something to do. Normally, I would have no problem thinking of something to do. It would be party central around my house. Ideas run rampant in my head, while the kids are running around the house. 

So, I'll savor my last night until the kids come home. I look forward to them returning. They have been missed. They are loved! I can't wait to kiss those cute little faces. 

Bridesmaids and Boxes

Recently I went to go see the totally hysterical movie Bridesmaids. Once I got past the raunchiness of the first two minutes I laughed until I cried*. I had great company for the movie, we were both in stitches! It's main plot is about two women who are friends since childhood, one is getting married and the other is the maid of honor who gets to know the other women in the bridal party. The matron of honor is in every- way-shape-and-form the opposite of the childhood friend. Let the competition begin for who gets to wear the title of "Best Friend".

It made me sort of wonder how the childhood friend had no idea of the "newer" best friend. They had never met until the time to start planning the wedding. The bride had a separate "box" she kept her groups of friends in. It made me think that I, along with most of us, do the same thing. 

Some of us have a family box, that we open when we need to. Then we put it back up on a shelf when we don't need them. Family occasions are just that. Family occasions. They very rarely combine with other groups of people in our lives. That doesn't mean we love them any less. Or does it? 

For those of us that have found a church home or, "box" it can be our refuge. It's our safe place to celebrate the joyful times in our life and express our faith. It can also be that place that we reveal our weaknesses and need for accountability. But for a few, once we leave our church box where does our faith take us? Our accountability is out the window. We dip our toes in and out of the church box on Sundays and Wednesdays and that's it. How do we make it more than what it is? 

In the neighbor box, there's a wide variety of difference. In faith, color, age and political opinions. Some prefer the warm confines of their own four walls. Never to venture out and meet new people. There are those that can make friends with a rock and bring others out of their shell. When Hubby and I first moved into our second house the neighbor across the street suggested a daddy/daughter bike ride**. But when the day and time arrived, Hubby knocked on their door but neighbor was nowhere to be found. I guess he had forgotten? When Hubby went over, the wife wasn't sure when he would return and she didn't know anything about it. They never mentioned it again. How do we draw people out of their homes and into more interaction with the very people in our closest proximity? 

The work box can be a tragic comedy all by itself! We're all looking out for number One! Covering our backside, to climb the corporate ladder and making sure that no one else gets credit for something that we have done. All while trying to maintain a spirit of camaraderie and making it a place where people want to come to work. There have been a few instances where I have seen co-workers actually get along fantastically outside of work despite plenty of differences. How do you foster an environment inside the workplace that encourages teamwork? 

Needless to say, the women in the movie competing for the attention of the bride came together. They put their competition aside for the benefit of the bride. 

No matter how many boxes we have do we mean to keep people in them? Is it to maintain some sort of sanity or steer clear of conflict? In Bridesmaids, yes it is! Is this a case of art imitating life? Do we only expose certain parts of ourselves to the different groups of people?

Of course those of us who have found a church box know the reason for the boxes - we live in a broken creation and each of us through our pride have set ourselves up as God. We have built up walls around us, constructed boxes around ourselves to ensure that we remain in control of each aspect of our lives. But Jesus came into this world to dare us to let down our walls, tear down our boxes, and open ourselves up to others in love, because He first loved us. "His Kingdom come, on earth as it is in Heaven." May I have the strength to live into this prayer!

*which is much better than laughing until I pee in my pants!

**they also have two daughters, a tad bit older

I Value Your Time

What is it about family? Maybe people in general? Some people's love comes with conditions and demands. We do our best to try and jump through those hoops for a small chunk of what attention we might get back in return, only to be discarded. It never seems to be good enough. 

If we drive four hundred miles to attend a high school graduation, it's not good enough because we don't have a gift in hand. When we send a gift but don't attend, it doesn't warrant even two sentences on a Thank You note. There have been plenty of times when others have driven four hundred miles into our town, but there was something else on their calendar*. We were an afterthought**. 

We recently got an announcement from somebody we haven't seen in ten years. I just didn't get it. I couldn't pick out the person in a lineup. Was it their attempt at trying to get a gift? When they moved into a new home, they invited all the rest of the family, but not Hubby and I. The last time they came over, I was explicitly told that they were in my house to be served. By me. I don't serve people my own age or younger if they are physically capable. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE having people over. I want to serve people because I've invited them into my home and enjoy their company, not because I've been told to. There are some people that have been invited over and over, but I never get a response back. If it's me, then I wish they would just say so. I guess that's okay. After hearing "No" or nothing at all, the invites will just stop. No pressure. 

Some people hold it against us if we seem to be doing better financially. Others hold it against us if we aren't doing as well. We're looked down upon, or we've somehow insulted someone if we offer to help. Is there a happy medium? To quote Rodney King, "Can't we all just get along?". 

The hardest part about family drama is what kind of affect it will have on my kids. Our family is pretty darn small already. Who will they turn to for special holidays and get-togethers? 

It's no wonder we choose to replace family with friends. They include us in the good times and the bad. Sometimes even in the sad. They include us. Period. We all have a few good friends that put their hearts on their sleeve. They would drop everything to help us out in a pinch. It's almost as if they could be the brothers/sisters we weren't blessed with, until later in life. 

If there's anything I value over material things, it's your time. I wish more people did as well.

God, grant me the patience and the grace to take things in stride. Life is short. I pray for loving relationships. Meaningful moments. I need special understanding for what seems the impossible. I pray for time not to slip away. 

*This happens on my side of the family AND Hubby's. I'm not pointing at anybody specific. Hhhmm.... maybe it's me. 

**Who am I kidding? We weren't thought of at all. 

Come On Summer!

It's been a long school year. I can almost taste the last day of school. It won't get here soon enough. It's been an interesting year as far as being a crossing guard goes as well. There have been some good things about this year, as well as bad. I have to remind myself of the good when something bad happens.

I had to make a list to help get me through the last few weeks of school. Here goes. 

The people and things I will miss:

-The moms who allowed me to get to know them by name. They've made the mornings and afternoons a pleasure. Here's to new acquaintances and friends. 

-The kids who were ready to get to school each and every day. Some of those kids had the sweetest disposition.
-The school bus driver who actually tried to keep the Christmas spirit alive by leaving his interior Christmas lights up well after the celebration of the birth of our Lord and Saviour was over.
-The extra money was nice. I could earn a little play money and it didn't take me away from my kids.
-The people who drive by and just wave to say hello. They're not dropping off kids, they're just on their way to work. Or wherever.

There will also be some things that I won't miss:
-the alarm clock. Need I say more?
-Seeing kids that are way too small to be sitting in the front seat of cars.
-People who don't understand what my "Stop" sign really means.
-The woman in the minivan with a permanent scowl on her face. Everyday.
-The extreme cold/heat. The weather has not been my friend much this year.

It's been an interesting year. Goodbye homework. Goodbye to being a crossing guard at the corner.  Hopefully, summer will wipe away the headaches of the past school year. It will give us time to nurture new friendships and maintain the existing ones. Plenty of opportunity for fun, relaxation and FREE TIME.