Asking and Giving Forgiveness

 "Even if that person wrongs you seven times a day and each time turns again and asks forgiveness, you must forgive."
  Luke 17:4

Can we all admit that asking for someone's forgiveness is one of the hardest things in the world to do? It takes humility, and it takes courage. It takes the power of God.  It especially doesn't help when the person you're asking foregiveness from reminds you of your crime and won't let it go.

Someone I was talking to mentioned that she had asked forgiveness from someone. The person basically threw it back in her face and reminded her of her abomination. If you knew my friend, it would break your heart. She is the kindest person on the face of the earth.

I admit, that part of our conversation stuck with me for the rest of the day. It bothered me. It bothered me as much as if I was the one asking for forgiveness. It made me think that it's no wonder why people don't ask more often for forgiveness. When someone asks for forgiveness they are laying their heart out. Making themselves vulnerable. It is our choice to forgive as we have been forgiven by God. Each and every day.

Is it maturity? Could be. Whether it's mental or spiritual maturity, some prefer to dig their heels in and be right. They will stand their ground and when it's all said and done who wins? No one.

After I had just graduated high school I had my first love, of course I was head over heels. He was the be all and end all. Shocker. It didn't work out after a couple of years*. But when it didn't work out and he was dating a "friend" I'll admit that my behavior was atrocious. It was shameful. It was definitely something I wish I could take back. I didn't have the mental maturity or the spiritual maturity to handle the situation.

After several years had passed I put a note in the mail to them both. I wanted to apologize for my actions. I wanted to clear my conscience and fir them to know that I was truly sorry. I wanted to let go of the guilt once and for all.  When I received a note back from the girl, she asked what my intentions were. What was my motive? Then she reminded me of what I had done and how I hurt them both**. I was well aware of what I had done. But I was not alone in this stupid little triangle. But I asked for what God gives me everyday. Forgiveness. 

The weight of sin is so heavy only the shedding of Jesus' blood can atone for it.

When we sin against someone who has no relationship with Christ, it's as if Satan himself is steering the other person in not letting go. It's a self-focused, resentful way of living. I'm not sure it's really living at all. Jesus is the best friend we could ask for. If you don't have a relationship with Him, seek Him out and there will lie your hope and salvation.

Ephesians 4:31

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.

In the world of raising kids, there is a lot of saying, "I'm sorry". Whether it's between the siblings or from parent to child and vice versa. I'm not a fan of saying, "That's okay" after someone says, "I'm sorry". I know we should forgive seventy times seven, but I also want to promote a sense of appreciation for the act of asking forgiveness.  I encourage my kids to say, "Thank you" to one another after they have had to apologize to each other. 

 Some people are ready and willing to forgive. I said some. When some people accuse you of doing something, then they do the same thing shouldn't both parties be asking forgiveness? Not just one? That's when I have to call to mind, Matthew 6:14. "For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you". 

Forgiveness is the greatest gift.  Whether we feel forgiveness in our hearts or not, we are under obligation to obey God. As we obey God, He will supply the feelings.

Asking and giving forgiveness is one of the hardest things to do in this world. Thank you, God, that this world is not eternal.

God, I pray for the vulnerability to always ask for forgiveness when I need it. I pray that it is received with an open and pure heart as it is intended. And when someone asks for my forgiveness that You will supply the feeling of acceptance and that I will not let anger stand in the way.



*No harm no foul. We kiss a lot of frogs before the prince comes along, don't we? My prayers were answered when Hubby and I finally crossed paths. 
**Oh please, it was nothing physical. They got married, then she cheated on him and divorced him.

Not Even a Week In

The first week of school isn't even over yet and I'm already struggling. Don't get me wrong, we were all ready to go back to school. My kids were ready, and anybody who knows me well knows that I was ready for them to go back to school. It was time to get back into a steady routine. I'm not saying the summer was bad. It was truly grand! But, freshly sparpened pencils, clean chalkboards and homework were knocking down the door.

I said to myself that this school year would be great! My oldest is in fifth grade and my youngest in first. Great attitude = great year. I was even excited the day we went to find out who my kid's would have as their teachers. We didn't play in any games or school politics. We didn't write any letters asking for a specific teacher. It just worked itself out. God worked it out. 

But I'm already on shaky ground.

My oldest had new teachers last year. Every one of them. They didn't have kids either*. I was scratching my head about some of the projects and their bad timing on more than one occasion. With my youngest we started out Kindergarten with one teacher and finished with another. The first one had family issues and felt it was better to stay at home. I don't begrudge her that. We were lucky to have had her the length of time we did. We had known her since my oldest had started school there. The second teacher was great.Then the last day of school came and we were given Kindergarten graduation certificates.** My daughter's name was spelled wrong. Ugh. Really?  After two attempts at getting one with her name spelled right over the summer, nothing. On the third day of school this year I was told that I would have to wait until the end of this year to get one with her name spelled right because supposedly they didn't have any more of the cardstock. I went to a big box office supply and got my own.

I was able to leave my cares behind after asking several teachers, including the gifted and talented teacher about a math tutor for my oldest. I asked over email and in person. They said they would get back to me. I was ready and willing to pay to keep my daughter on her toes with her math skills. We've tried the math tutoring places before, but it wasn't what I was looking for. I was looking for true one on one time.  I dreaded the thought of her getting behind. I heard back from none of them. Either way. I ended up finding an honors math student who's a junior in high school. Both of my daughters just adore her!

For this school year I was sort of resigned to the old saying, "If you can't beat 'em join 'em" when it comes to PTA. You know. That group that people pay to join and volunteer for stuff. You're on a committee, but you have no say really. It just comes from the top down and the top barks orders. I don't like barking.***

The first assignment was to provide lunch for the teachers the Friday before school started. Easy cheesy! Of course I signed up to bring dessert. A chocolate chip pound cake was in the works. It was so much in the works I made TWO. One to keep and one for the staff. Heaven! It was cooled off and delivered in time. Complete in one nice Rubbermaid carry all.

When I went to the school the next day to pick up my cake carrier it was right at the front desk where the Hospitality chair said it would be. With a broken locking mechanism. Ugh. Really? Do you think anybody even said "Thank You"? Not even accolades in the first school newsletter of the year.

No, I didn't do it for the thank-you's. I did it because I wanted to share in something I enjoy doing. I realize accidents happen. From spelling my kid's name wrong to breaking my cake carrier. But, come on.

I need Grace. Mercy. Compassion. Thankfulness. Kindness.  To get me through the rest of the school year. A couple of days ago I was saying, "No more" this soon into the school year. I want to have a change of heart, but at this rate it will be trampled all over by Thanksgiving.


God, please change my heart for the better.



*Future 4th grade teachers here's one idea: when you plan for the project of keeping up with the moon pattern, would you please plan it in the winter when we have short days? Not during the spring after the sun was out past 9? We solely relied on Hubby's iPhone app. Yep, they have an app for that.

**No. We don't have Kindergarten graduation ceremonies. That's just stupid and a waste of money.

***Barking orders and little girls yelling and screaming. Grates.On.My.Nerves.

Me Neither

Have you ever been around someone who never lets you get a word in edgewise? The conversation was dominated by one particular party. Imagine if there were more than one of those types at a get together! They have to be the life of the party or they're afraid they won't feel important. 

Have you ever met someone new and in talking with them you've gotten to know a whole lot about them, but they've learned nothing about you?

Have you gotten together with someone you haven't seen in years and when you leave, you remember why you haven't seen them in a long time? 

No? Me neither. 

Bridesmaids and Boxes

Recently I went to go see the totally hysterical movie Bridesmaids. Once I got past the raunchiness of the first two minutes I laughed until I cried*. I had great company for the movie, we were both in stitches! It's main plot is about two women who are friends since childhood, one is getting married and the other is the maid of honor who gets to know the other women in the bridal party. The matron of honor is in every- way-shape-and-form the opposite of the childhood friend. Let the competition begin for who gets to wear the title of "Best Friend".

It made me sort of wonder how the childhood friend had no idea of the "newer" best friend. They had never met until the time to start planning the wedding. The bride had a separate "box" she kept her groups of friends in. It made me think that I, along with most of us, do the same thing. 

Some of us have a family box, that we open when we need to. Then we put it back up on a shelf when we don't need them. Family occasions are just that. Family occasions. They very rarely combine with other groups of people in our lives. That doesn't mean we love them any less. Or does it? 

For those of us that have found a church home or, "box" it can be our refuge. It's our safe place to celebrate the joyful times in our life and express our faith. It can also be that place that we reveal our weaknesses and need for accountability. But for a few, once we leave our church box where does our faith take us? Our accountability is out the window. We dip our toes in and out of the church box on Sundays and Wednesdays and that's it. How do we make it more than what it is? 

In the neighbor box, there's a wide variety of difference. In faith, color, age and political opinions. Some prefer the warm confines of their own four walls. Never to venture out and meet new people. There are those that can make friends with a rock and bring others out of their shell. When Hubby and I first moved into our second house the neighbor across the street suggested a daddy/daughter bike ride**. But when the day and time arrived, Hubby knocked on their door but neighbor was nowhere to be found. I guess he had forgotten? When Hubby went over, the wife wasn't sure when he would return and she didn't know anything about it. They never mentioned it again. How do we draw people out of their homes and into more interaction with the very people in our closest proximity? 

The work box can be a tragic comedy all by itself! We're all looking out for number One! Covering our backside, to climb the corporate ladder and making sure that no one else gets credit for something that we have done. All while trying to maintain a spirit of camaraderie and making it a place where people want to come to work. There have been a few instances where I have seen co-workers actually get along fantastically outside of work despite plenty of differences. How do you foster an environment inside the workplace that encourages teamwork? 

Needless to say, the women in the movie competing for the attention of the bride came together. They put their competition aside for the benefit of the bride. 

No matter how many boxes we have do we mean to keep people in them? Is it to maintain some sort of sanity or steer clear of conflict? In Bridesmaids, yes it is! Is this a case of art imitating life? Do we only expose certain parts of ourselves to the different groups of people?

Of course those of us who have found a church box know the reason for the boxes - we live in a broken creation and each of us through our pride have set ourselves up as God. We have built up walls around us, constructed boxes around ourselves to ensure that we remain in control of each aspect of our lives. But Jesus came into this world to dare us to let down our walls, tear down our boxes, and open ourselves up to others in love, because He first loved us. "His Kingdom come, on earth as it is in Heaven." May I have the strength to live into this prayer!

*which is much better than laughing until I pee in my pants!

**they also have two daughters, a tad bit older

I Value Your Time

What is it about family? Maybe people in general? Some people's love comes with conditions and demands. We do our best to try and jump through those hoops for a small chunk of what attention we might get back in return, only to be discarded. It never seems to be good enough. 

If we drive four hundred miles to attend a high school graduation, it's not good enough because we don't have a gift in hand. When we send a gift but don't attend, it doesn't warrant even two sentences on a Thank You note. There have been plenty of times when others have driven four hundred miles into our town, but there was something else on their calendar*. We were an afterthought**. 

We recently got an announcement from somebody we haven't seen in ten years. I just didn't get it. I couldn't pick out the person in a lineup. Was it their attempt at trying to get a gift? When they moved into a new home, they invited all the rest of the family, but not Hubby and I. The last time they came over, I was explicitly told that they were in my house to be served. By me. I don't serve people my own age or younger if they are physically capable. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE having people over. I want to serve people because I've invited them into my home and enjoy their company, not because I've been told to. There are some people that have been invited over and over, but I never get a response back. If it's me, then I wish they would just say so. I guess that's okay. After hearing "No" or nothing at all, the invites will just stop. No pressure. 

Some people hold it against us if we seem to be doing better financially. Others hold it against us if we aren't doing as well. We're looked down upon, or we've somehow insulted someone if we offer to help. Is there a happy medium? To quote Rodney King, "Can't we all just get along?". 

The hardest part about family drama is what kind of affect it will have on my kids. Our family is pretty darn small already. Who will they turn to for special holidays and get-togethers? 

It's no wonder we choose to replace family with friends. They include us in the good times and the bad. Sometimes even in the sad. They include us. Period. We all have a few good friends that put their hearts on their sleeve. They would drop everything to help us out in a pinch. It's almost as if they could be the brothers/sisters we weren't blessed with, until later in life. 

If there's anything I value over material things, it's your time. I wish more people did as well.

God, grant me the patience and the grace to take things in stride. Life is short. I pray for loving relationships. Meaningful moments. I need special understanding for what seems the impossible. I pray for time not to slip away. 

*This happens on my side of the family AND Hubby's. I'm not pointing at anybody specific. Hhhmm.... maybe it's me. 

**Who am I kidding? We weren't thought of at all. 

Be Careful What We Wish For

A few weeks ago we were traveling in the car. I'm not sure why or how the subject came up, but we were talking about President Obama. My oldest says from the back, "I wish he would die". My heart sank at that moment. I may not agree with any of his policies, but I definitely don't wish for his demise from this earth.

I thought to myself, he is a man just like my Hubby. He has a wife and two young daughters. He is trying to do what he believes is the right thing for this country*. Granted, my Hubby isn't leader of the free world, but that could only be a matter of time**. Like my Hubby, he is surrounded by family and friends that love him. In just a couple of short years he will go back to private life. 

I once saw someone*** on facebook refer to him as Satan. Are you kidding me? People give him way too much power and credit when he is referred to in that way. I've read the Bible. I know what Satan can do, and Obama comes nowhere near. He is a mere mortal like the rest of us. Why should we sink to the level of the people who would refer to President Bush as Hitler and burn him in effigy? 

I quickly corrected my daughter about wishing people would die. I asked her how she would feel if someone said that about her father. 

I love my daughters and wish for them to come into their own strengths and viewpoints where politics are concerned. Not to just follow their parents like sheople in a herd. We should pray for the office of President. Whether we agree with who is in that office or not. We can pray for change. We can vote change. 

*don't get me started. 

** ;) one can dream right? He sure would be great at it. 

****on most days she is certifiably CRAZY.

Only By God's Grace

I love my place in life. For the most part. I love my husband. I love my kids. I love my dear friends that are always there for me. Life is good. I'd have to admit that 20 years or more ago, I never dreamed that I would be where I am at this point in my life. I am a very lucky girl.

There is something that my husband has said to me that has stuck with me, because I know deep down it's probably true. He's said in the past, "It's a wonder you turned out so normal". I'd have to admit that the people that I know who had a "normal" upbringing is a minority. Some of us had an alcoholic for a parent(s). Others had a hoarder, or someone who wasn't emotionally available to them. Others who had a parent that just saw things a little greener on the other side of the fence and left a parent to fend for themselves and the kids. Some people I know had to deal with death of a parent much too soon.

Can we blame the flower power of the 1960's or the hippy motto of free love that flowed in the 1970's? What about the excess of the 1980's? It's amazing that each generation has some sort of devilish influence that just wants to tear down the values of family and what a family should be.

At some point God grabbed a hold of me and I was awake enough to realize it. Praise God. I knew from my past what I didn't want for my marriage and kids. I know I am no June Cleaver, but my kids aren't going to grow up the way I did. They deserve the best that their parents can give. My kids will not know what it's like to have an alcoholic for a parent. Or a hoarder. They will not know what it's like to have a parent insult their appearance, or give them conditional love.

God still has a lot of work to do on me. I like to joke that my spiritual gift is a "cynical or critical spirit". But, I praise God everyday for the miracle that He has done in my life. He will soften my critical spirit over time. If I just let Him.

Is There Really Any Such Thing As Sweet Revenge?

In my younger years, there's no telling how many boys I was dumped by. It doesn't really matter these days. I won the husband lottery and that's all that matters!

Recently I found out that a boy that I thought I would marry, divorced the girl he dumped me for. I found out that she actually cheated on him and that he had had enough, so he filed for divorce. At first, I chuckled. I thought for a brief moment, "How sweet". But, then I thought, "No, that's pretty mean. I couldn't imagine doing that to my husband". The pain that it would cause my husband, and my kids. I don't want to ever have to feel that kind of pain, or cause that kind of pain. Nobody deserves to be cheated on. It surprised me that she would do something so mean. I thought maybe there was really something true between them. I guess I was wrong. I'm sorry they had to go through that to find out. I wish I could ask her, "What were you thinking?".

I have no regrets. The boys I was dumped by, the mistakes that I made, led me to my husband. We have something real. We have something unconditional. We have something for a lifetime. It wouldn't and shouldn't have worked out with the other boy anyway for a multitude of reasons.

People are sometimes cruel to one another, for no good reason. I wish it weren't that way.